The thing is, you have to have an "officiant" at your wedding, which is bad because you have to pay them but is also good because it gives you an opportunity to use the word officiant, which is rare. In fact the only opportunity I've ever had is when I got married.
The judge we rented had canned vows, which I heard for the first time as I was promising to obey them. Promise to love, check. Promise to stand by in good times and bad, check. Promise to respect....now wait a minute! This relationship has been going so well to this point -- why mess with success?
Present at the "ceremony," which I use in the loosest term possible, were the required two witnesses who had to sign something saying...what? That they were there? That in fact we were married? That we deserved each other? I'm a little foggy on this part, but I had recruited them from among our friends who work on the Square, since the wedding was at the Capitol over the lunch hour. After the pronouncement, David -- who had evaded the ball and chain for 45 years -- said "Hey, we got married! Let's go have a beer to celebrate [or at least observe]!"
"Nah," we all said, including me, "We got to get back to work."