Thursday, August 12, 2010

Love Me Chicken Tenders

My most recent junk-picked treasure is an cookbook called "Are You Hungry Tonight? Elvis' Favorite Recipes." The best thing about this book -- and believe me, there are a lot of great things about this book -- is that in addition to an author, the book credits an "Elvis Consultant." How great a gig is that? My new ambition in life now is to become a Jon Stewart consultant, which would require me to watch every episode of The Daily Show and write lengthly essays speculating whether he gets cuter by the hour or more like by the minute. The other day David asked me where Jon Stewart went to college and I knew. There is a limited amount of real estate in my brain and if I'm going to devote it to minutia like Jonny Boy's alma mater, I ought to at least get paid. Or at least see Jon Stewart naked. That's only fair.

In the introduction, the cookbook describes Elvis as "like the king who walks among his people and sits with them to share their repast." I had to look up what repast means, but then again I am not a Elvis Consultant. The recipes are unremarkable -- although I didn't see any using Quaaludes as an ingredient -- but each recipe has a little intro to set the mood, which is a nice touch. Here's the intro for the Banana Coconut Chiffon Pie recipe:

"Imagine you're driving through the South in the 1960s. the place names crop up on little white signs, not those huge green things. Memphis. Jackson. Tupelo. Shreveport. It gets awfully hot in the car, so you swing into one of those little roadside cafes for a glass of iced tea. My, but it's cool inside. They've got one of those little glass cases with all the pies displayed, and goodness, doesn't the banana coconut chiffon look good! 

As you leave, and push through the screen door, a big Cadillac with a bunch of boys in it pulls up. You chat a bit and they tell you're they're headed to--" beat the living daylights out of some uppity black man who wanted to be served at a lunch counter?

No?

That's where I thought that paragraph was going. Fine, I guess the Elvis Consultant isn't as big on historical accuracy after all.

The second best thing about this cookbook is that it includes directions for making Elvis and Priscilla's six-tiered wedding cake. The recipe calls for 31 POUNDS of Crisco: 11 pounds for the batter and 20 pounds for the frosting. This brings up the main problem with an Elvis cookbook: Do you really want to follow in the culinary footsteps of a man who died at age 42? I wouldn't, but then again, what do I know? For an expert opinion, call the Elvis Consultant.

2 comments:

  1. Fantastic Post. I'm a friend of Kimbrin's and she linked to your blog on Facebook. I am definitely a new fan! Looking forward to your work in the repast!

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  2. Aw, thank you Laura W!

    Also, I came up with another joke too late, but I'll put it in the comments: "31 POUNDS of Crisco? Even Baby W is only 19 pounds of Crisco."

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