Friday, January 21, 2011


I got up early this morning to go running, but my usual running partners bailed when they saw the -7 air temperature and -20 windchill. They said something about wanting to make sure their lungs didn't freeze and then shatter into a million tiny pink pieces which they would then cough out over the bike path. Just one more example of how Americans have become soft! I'm sure right this minute there's a whole herd of Chinese runners who would run in -50 temps for half the price, and be thankful for the opportunity. Clearly, we need tax cuts for the rich in order to help American runners be more competitive.

So I am skipping running this morning too, although I still plan to bike into work. I suit up warmly for the ride into work, leaving only my eyes exposed. Today it's so cold that I'm a little worried the liquid in my eyeballs might freeze, locking my irises into the straight-ahead position. But frozen eyeballs will not dissuade me, especially because I know there's a Chinese tricycle rider who would gladly take my position.

I have some extra time this morning since I am not going running, and I might get out the sewing machine and try to finish a skirt I started. For some reason, I decided I wanted to learn to sew, and it has not been an easy path. I think this is because I have difficulty with spatial visualizations. This is also why I am not a civil engineer. If I ever built a bridge the girders would have a definite list to the side and I would do a lot of muttering under my breath about how the spans were good enough and I was definitely not ripping them out and rebuilding them. By the way, I told a bobbin to go fuck itself the other day.

(Stella is learning to read, and we are practicing consonant combinations. "S plus H makes a 'sh' sound," I said. What words start with 'sh'?" "Shit," said Stella, for which I am blaming both Isaac Singer and that trouble-making bobbin.)

I thought it might be fun to sew myself a couple cute skirts in bright colors, pair them with t-shirts, and have a ready-made wardrobe for home or work. It's slow going, very slow going -- but I'm making progress, and I'm sure all the other residents in my assisted living facility will be envious when I finish.

I haven't had much time to improve my sewing skills recently, in part because Baby W has been a little fussy. It might be teething -- or it could be that he harbors deep reservations about the impact the recent election will have on Wisconsin state fiscal policy and perpetuation of the state's structural deficit. I keep telling him that the voters have spoken, but he will have none of it. We are going to have a seriously crabby toddler on our hands in 2012 when Sarah Palin becomes president. Baby W has a big incentive not to get too crabby, though -- he knows there are a thousand Chinese babies who would happily take his job.

1 comment:

  1. i had no idea you were this funny...i will from this point further read absolutely every word you put out.