Wednesday, January 12, 2011


I have done a lot of bragging about my Amazing Sleeping Baby, who is now rebelling against parental expectations by needing to nurse all night. I imagine the next step in his rebellion will be a teeny tiny eyebrow ring and a tattoo, although I would be okay with a tattoo so long as it said "Mom" in fancy cursive script with a heart around it.

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.
I would have liked to put a picture
of kittens here instead, but kittens
have been cancelled due to
budget cuts.
The real way our kids could rebel is by becoming political conservatives, and Stella is already on her way. The other day she surprised me by declaring, "Daddy likes Scott Walker." Scott Walker is Wisconsin's new Republican governor, who has been in office less than two weeks and that time has already managed to xxxxxx, stop the zzzzzzI from mmmmmming and if that weren't enough, is proposing to xxxxxx the bzzzzzt!

Sorry -- I think I might have lost connection there for a bit since I tend to melt some wires when I think about this topic, although you may notice that I, unlike an unfortunately large number of activists to my political right, am able to refrain from using gun-related analogies when talking about politics.

Hearing that David liked our Republican governor was an unpleasant surprise akin to hearing about another woman in David's life. (Another Republican woman. One who says things like "If ballots don't work, bullets will.") I've had experience with this before, though. When we moved into our house many years ago, I mused about carving a heart with DH+TC into the tree in our new backyard. But, I joked, when David brought home another woman, she might not like to see the tree. David misheard me as saying his mother wouldn't like the carving, leading to the following conversation:
Me: We could carve our initials and a heart into a tree. But if you brought home another woman, she might not like it.
David: Aw, she's not so bad.
Me: No?
David: No, she wouldn't mind a bit.
Me: Uh -- she wouldn't?
David: I think you've gotten the wrong impression of her. 
Stella kept insisting that Daddy liked Scott Walker, and even more confusingly, that Daddy liked Scott Walker's music. Let me tell you, there is not going to be any stinkin' music with Governor Walker. All those kids in strings class add nothing to the state's business climate. In fact, little kids playing the violin might actively hurt the state's business climate -- all those parents forced to listen to out-of-tune performances then need time off work afterwards to recover, thereby having a negative effect on the state's productivity. Come to think of it, I might actually be in Governor Walker's corner on this one.

It turns out that Stella meant that David likes not Scott Walker but DOC WATSON, the 87-year old bluegrass songwriter, guitar player, and singer from North Carolina. Sure, he's easy to get confused with the 43-year old governor of Wisconsin. I bet there are mix ups all the time when they go to pick up prescriptions.

I've always wanted a water bed.
But not this kind.
So Stella's rebellion has been political, and Baby W's has been sleep-related. And now that he is up nursing all night, he swamps his diaper. This is unfortunately because he often sleeps with me, so I wind up sleeping in a wet spot the approximate size and volume of Lake Michigan, although without those pesky zebra mussels. It also means that I have two kids sleeping smack up against me all night, since Stella likes to sleep so close to me it seems like she's trying a science experiment to see if she can meld her DNA with mine. I like cuddling with the kids at night, but I do have fantasies of trying to sleep somewhere a little farther away from them, like maybe Alaska.

Despite the toll it takes on my sleep, I find it very sweet to sleep with both kids. While I do hope that Baby W begins sleeping better, I generally don't mind his rebellion against my parental expectations. If he really wants to rebel, the best way to hurt me would to get a tattoo of a heart, and in the middle put the name of the person he loves best: Scott Walker.

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