Thursday, January 20, 2011


Stella has a loose tooth! It's wiggling around in there and barely hanging on. I can't believe she's big enough to lose a tooth. Just for the record, this does not mean I am old.

I think Stella should give her tooth to Baby W has he has hardly any, and the ones he does have seem to cause him pain. I could just superglue Stella's tooth onto his gums, he wouldn't have to grow any more teeth, and we'd all be happier. It would be like recycling. As it is, what am I going to do with the actual tooth once it falls out? Compost it?

The loose tooth seems to be painful for Stella, so painful in fact that it prohibits her from being able to help take a bath or clean up her toys. This is a seriously painful tooth. The tooth is going to be a problem, because there's going to be a lot of picking up toys, since I have decided that I need to vacuum the living room and dining room of our house nearly every day to prevent Baby W from finding delicious bits of crunk that he specializes in ingesting. (I'm not proud of it, but last night I set Baby W under the dining room table, pointed out all the bits of grated cheese that Stella had accidentally knocked to the floor during dinner, and told him to go for it.)

Stephen Hawking could refine
his theories after doing a little
vacuuming at my house.
I realize our floor is going to get dirty quickly because we have a small house -- such is the trade-off for living centrally -- but I'm still amazed at how much dirt can accumulate in 24 hours. Sooner or later all the dirt in the city, then the state is going to find its way onto my floor, and the way things are going eventually all the matter in the universe will wind up in my vacuum bag and then the space-time continuum will turn itself inside out inside my Eureka SmartVac. Be warned, that will probably happen by the end of the month so you might want to hold off on February's mortgage payment.

Back to pain: I think little kids have a different level of pain tolerance. I remember getting my first flu shot as an adult and bracing for what I assumed was severe pain based on Stella's reaction to her vaccines. Pshhhh. Little kids are total, like, babies when it comes to shots. We have some Percoset hanging around the house left over from Baby W's c-section birth -- maybe I could give Stella one of those for tooth-related pain.

The Percoset is handy to have around for the two days a year when one of us pulls a muscle, but there are some drawbacks to having it in our medicine cabinet. We had a house guest who had a weakness for recreational use of painkillers, so before the guest arrived, David told me he had hidden the Percoset somewhere so as to not be a temptation. The thing was, he couldn't remember where he had put it. Six months later, I was down to my very last pair of underwear and I found the bottle of pills in the bottom of my underwear drawer. David said, "Oh, that's right! I remember thinking that if he found the pills in here, we'd have several problems on our hands, the least of which would be the pills."

They are selling Viagra pens
on eBay! If only I had
kept mine in mind condition,
I could have been a
$2.25-aire by now.
The house guest, by the way, was one of David's friends. My guests are considerably less likely to engage in drug-seeking behavior. In fact, just the reverse. My mother, who is a nurse practitioner, has long been a great source for us to get drug samples or other drug company giveaways, and until recently whenever she would visit, she would ask us beforehand what we would find useful for her to bring when she came. It was like a drug Christmas! However, her clinic recently implemented ethics guidelines that prohibits the practitioners there from accepting any freebies from pharmaceutical companies. Bummer, but on the other hand David is relieved that this means we no longer get ball-point pens emblazoned with the Viagra logo.

The Percoset is getting pretty old now, and I should probably get rid of it. I know that in theory I'm supposed to take the pills to the city's medication drop-off site, but that seems like a lot of work. There ought to be some way I can take care of the medication here at home in an environmentally friendly way, but I know I'm not supposed to throw them in the trash and definitely not flush them down the toilet. I know! I'll compost them.

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