Thursday, March 31, 2011

Tooth

There is more news about the political situation in Wisconsin. With these recent developments, if Wisconsin were a movie, I would say the plot is getting overly complex. Just like when I watch one of those complicated intrigue movies, I can still differentiate the good guys from the bad guys in Wisconsin but I'm having trouble understanding how certain events fit into the overall narrative. I think it's time for a mind-clearing car chase, hopefully involving the capitol steps. I also feel a love scene might be appropriate. In a hot tub.

Changing the topic -- the kids will be up any minute and I'll make my extremely healthy breakfast, which is oatmeal with a banana, flax seed, wheat germ, and walnuts. I fully expect this breakfast to be the reason I will live to be at least 100 (although the amount of brown sugar I pile on top might dial that number back to 97 or so). Having kids has meant that I have developed a lot of healthy habits, some of them semi-unwillingly, to act as a role model.

One example is toothbrushing. Stella got a "tooth timer" from the dentist to help her brush her teeth for a full two minutes. I brush my teeth at the same time as her, and let me officially report that two minutes is way, way way too long to brush your teeth for. Two minutes is an ETERNITY of tooth brushing.When I am in the midst of a two-minute toothbrushing stretch, two minutes seems like enough time to accomplish many other important tasks, like picking up all the toys or maybe climbing Mount Everest without a Sherpa, which is about as complicated as figuring out where all the toys go, although I grant you that you don't need supplemental oxygen while trying to cram all the doll clothes into one drawer. At any rate, no Sherpas would be available anyway, because they'd all be flossing.

Two minutes! Can my teeth even take that kind of brushing? I'm a little worried that if I brush my teeth for a whole two minutes twice a day, I might erode my teeth to the point where they become little white nubs, and I'd have to take the walnuts out of my oatmeal since I couldn't chew them with my marshmallow-like teeth. (The question of whether I could actually chew marshmallows with my marshmallow-like teeth is an important one that remains unanswered.)

I'm wondering now if perhaps the two minutes that Stella is supposed to spend brushing her actually represent the amount of tooth-brushing she is supposed to be doing over a lifetime. Because that would make a lot more sense.

Stella is actually pretty interested in brushing her teeth these days, possibly in part because she knows she needs healthy teeth if she's going to be at the top of her game in biting her brother. This is part of months-long scientific experiment she has designed in which she continually applies negative external stimuli to Baby W via her (non-decayed) teeth, and measures the results. Don't you get it? I ask her. It's obvious -- when you bite the baby, he cries! In reply, she points out that once upon a time people thought it was obvious that flies spontaneously generated from rotten meat, and that only repeated experiments with reproducible results can help advance the field of science. I am looking forward to her completing peer review and getting published so we can end this experiment, although she's certainly welcome to re-use her data for as many articles as she would like. I am hoping to be listed as a co-author, along with the Sherpa.

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