Wednesday, September 7, 2011


Every year I help coordinate a fundraising run/walk for a fantastic little non-profit organization that provides services to child abuse victims and their families. As always, the run/walk was held on Labor Day Monday, and I'm proud to say that it once again went off without a hitch, except for the fact that I had to start busting my hump at the ungodly hour of 6:30 AM on a holiday. I would call that a hitch, a big one. 

Last year, I decided I needed a break, and although I did a little work leading up to the run/walk, I didn't even come to the event itself. It used to be that on Labor Day morning, I would be a ball of nerves from about 1 AM on, fretting over little details I had forgotten or the possibility that the weather wouldn't be perfect. Last year, though, when I awoke to thunder and heavy rain in the early morning, I had the luxury of rolling over and going happily back to sleep. "Suckers," was my sleepy, happy thought.

Hors d'oeuvre is French for "horse eggs."
This year, of course, I was among the suckers working at the event, and I'm happy to say that we raised more than $15,000 to help support important services to child abuse victims. As always, one of the hardest parts of organizing the event was rounding up enough volunteers to help out on the actual day of the event. I leaned hard on everyone I know to help, especially anyone for whom I once did a favor. Did I ever feed your cat when you were out of town? Remind you how to correctly spell "hors d'oeuvre"? Untruthfully swear to you that I barely even noticed the zit you were feeling self-conscious about when in reality I wondered when open pit mining had become legal? Then I probably I asked you to volunteer for this event.

Heck, if you are some sort of carbon-based life form then I probably asked you to volunteer.

(If you are feeling left out that I somehow missed asking you to volunteer, then by all means leave a comment! I'll sign you up to work at next year's event!)

Seriously, though, for a few days there I could barely restrain myself from begging anyone I made eye contact with to volunteer, as long as they seemed like responsible people. I generally took the fact that they had managed to keep themselves alive for as long as they did as evidence of sufficient responsibility to volunteer.

The friends who didn't come
through for me will not get a chance
to inherit my Escalade limo.
And that's a very sad thing.
Now the event is over for another year -- no doubt to the relief of my friends who for a while there might have felt that I valued their friendship only to the extent that that I could exploit their volunteer labor. In reality, nothing could be farther from the truth, although keep in mind I have cut any and all non-volunteering so-called "friends" out of my will.

Thanks to everyone who supported the run/walk, either through your dollars or your time. Everyone had a blast at the event, and more importantly, we raised thousands of dollars to help protect our community's most vulnerable residents. And seriously, you can barely even see that pimple. 

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