Saturday, October 15, 2011


Well, I haven't humiliated myself in this space for, gosh, days and DAYS. So naturally it's time for an update on how my gymnastics class is going.

I'm taking a gymnastics class for adults, along with my sister and her boyfriend. The class is a lot of fun, and it's a fantastic workout for muscles that I don't normally use. The only disadvantage is that all the spinning and turning upside down, especially when combined with strenuous physical exertion, makes me want to vomit. But I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Out of our gymnastics class has arisen a Plan, developed by my sister. You know it's trouble when a Cornelius gets a Plan into his or her head, and this case is no different. For Christmas, all my siblings, their significant others, their children, and my mother and stepfather are headed for Florida, for a lovely winter vacation underwritten by my mother. My sister has decided that we (meaning her, her boyfriend, and me) should all do handstands at the same time together on the beach, and document it by having someone take a picture. I'm thinking we could get the photo blown up to life size and then mounted on posterboard.

We refer to this course of action as the Handstand Plan. Although my sister had the idea in the first place, I love it and am enthusiastically promoting it. The only problem, of course, it that the Handstand Plan requires that all three of us be able to do decent handstands by December 25th. DETAILS!

To help advance the Handstand Plan, we have been hitting the gym occasionally between classes to help practice our technique. Last time we went, I took along the camera. I had been wanting to take a short video of my cartwheel, to see what I looked like. First I took a short video of my sister's boyfriend:

I call that not too bad. But then again, I believe the red hair means he is part leprechaun, so naturally he is good at tumbling and flipping due to all the tricks he has to perform to lure people away from his pot of gold. Apparently, during the first gymnastics class, the drawstring to his shorts broke right in the middle of a gymnastics maneuver he was completing, and he literally flipped out of his shorts. I'm very sorry I missed that class. It reminds me of my prenatal yoga class, when I missed the session when one woman's water broke right during class.

And then here's my sister and her cartwheel:

Not so hot, right? And then here's mine:

I was really bummed after seeing my cartwheel on video. In my mind, I was doing a half-decent cartwheel. Now that I've seen the video, I realize I look like a frog someone needs to put out of its misery.

So my cartwheel is highly questionable. Big deal. I've got a killer forward roll.

All this talk about cartwheels is fine, but it's the Handstand Plan, not the Cartwheel Plan. So how's my handstand? I'm happy to say that yes, I can do one. Feast your eyes:

Anyone who can actually do gymnastics, please refrain from pointing out the 37 things I am no doubt doing wrong in that photo. I'm upside down, my arms are straight. IT FUCKING COUNTS, OKAY?!?

Whether we'll actually be able to pull off the Handstand Plan is anybody's guess. All three of us can do at least a so-so handstand, but getting upside down all that the same time is going to be the sticking point. In the meantime, we'll keep going to class and practicing our handstands and cartwheels. And if the Handstand Plan proves to be ultimately beyond our reach, I already have an idea for Plan B. I call it the Forward Roll Plan.


  1. I want in on the Handstand Plan. I will start practicing now.

  2. Fantastic! You might want to also start brushing up on your forward roll, just in case.

  3. pretty pretty pretty good tamarine. i would HATE to see my cartwheel on film, as jason has asked me not to do them in public anymore (we were on the grass at the capitol at the time.) how long can you hold that handstand?