Tuesday, December 6, 2011


The various parts of the family have returned from their far-flung destinations. The kids and I returned from spending several days in Washington, DC, where I am sad to say we were NOT greeted at the airport by President Obama, which shows just how out of touch he is with America. How can he be serious about job creation when he couldn't even be bothered to meet us out for dinner?!

And David returned from attending a film festival in the Polish city of -- no joke -- Bydgoszcz. Ah, Bydgoszcz. Bydgoszcz! I just get a kick out of typing that name. It's almost like a parody of a Polish city name, like somebody sat down and tried to throw together a bunch of random letters and make it look Polish but went just a little too far, because seriously dude, nobody's going to believe that's a real city. But Bydgoszcz is in fact a real city, one that is the co-capital of the Kuyavian-Pomeranian Voivodeship, which I'm sure is a huge spring break destination, right up there with Cancun.

You know how people are always likening totally inappropriate cities to Paris? Detroit is the Paris of the Midwest, Buenos Aires is the Paris of South America, East St. Louis is the Paris of southern Illinois, Baruun-Urt is the Paris of Upper Mongolia. Well, I'd lay good money down that Bydgoszcz is the Paris of the Kuyavian-Pomeranian Voivodeship.

David reports that he was exposed to a great deal of Polish culture in Bydgoszcz, especially the part of the Polish culture that is related to vodka. He also developed his Polish language skills -- in addition to being able to say "I'd like a beer please," he can now say "I'd like TWO beers, please."

And what did we return to? CARROT PORN. Here's what came in our first community supported agriculture vegetable box after we returned to Wisconsin:

Look, I'm all for local, organic produce we get in our CSA box, but I'd prefer local, organic produce that WEARS PANTS. And did you notice how it hangs a little to one side? I hear that's surprisingly common.

And then there's this gem. For crying out loud! Get a room!

My guess is that these carrots participated in abstinence-only sex ed in high school, and are now on their way to making baby carrots. How is it that the contents of my root cellar get more action than I do these days? I took my resentment out on the little lovebirds by shredding them and baking them into muffins.

Our little family is back together again, and back home, after travelling separately. Even though I'm glad to be back, I really enjoy traveling. The kids are very experienced travelers, and that helps make trips easier. In fact, I'm already looking forward to our next voyage. I'm thinking we need to make a trip to the Kuyavian-Pomeranian Voivodeship.

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