Sunday, December 25, 2011


Merry Christmas from Florida! Instead of celebrating the holidays in the cold and snow of Wisconsin, we're enjoying the white sand beach on a island off the Florida Gulf Coast. This Christmas has been completely awesome, one of the best ever. The weather is beautiful, the beach is nearby, AND there are lizards. Lizards help make everything better.

We got in late at night, and when we woke up the next morning and hit the beach, Baby W was very confused. Happy, but confused. Where was the snow? Why was it so warm? Despite his confusion, or maybe because of it, he charged fearlessly into the ocean. He didn't have a single qualm about wading into chest-deep water. It would not surprise at all me to learn that he has big plans for swimming, including possibly swimming to Cuba. Here's David making sure Baby W stays on American shores and does not display his socialist tendencies any more than is absolutely necessary.

Seriously, I recommend that everyone spend Christmas on a beach in Florida. Except for Floridians, who might find it boring. They should probably head to Wisconsin and go snowmobiling instead.

It is fantastic to be able to walk around in warm weather, without all those layers of winter clothes that we have to wear back home in Wisconsin. I have been walking around with my arms outstretched, trying to expose a maximum amount of my body area to the warm air molecules, letting out the occasionally "oooooh." It's tempting to strip completely and roll around on the beach sand. I won't, though, because I don't want the lizards to see me naked.

How gorgeous is the weather? I'll tell you how gorgeous it is -- today we ran the air conditioning in the house my mom has rented for us, it was so warm. Doesn't that seem decadent? It seems so decadent I'm a little concerned God might strike us down. If there's anything that makes the Baby Jesus cry, it's running the air conditioning on Christmas.

We are staying right across the street from the beach, and today we went to the beach three separate times. We also swam in the tiny swimming pool in the back yard of the house where we're staying. Basically, we're going to be so waterlogged that we're going to turn into raisins by the end of the trip. But we will be very happy raisins. Raisins filled with Vitamin D.

There were a whole assortment of people on the beach on Christmas Day, and most of them seemed to be gay couples. In fact everywhere we went today we saw gay couples, and I started to suspect that today is actually Gay Christmas. I'm not sure when Heterosexual Christmas is. Maybe in March some time. It's probably a very boring holiday.

Merry Christmas from Florida from our family to yours (unless you are one of those godless heathens who destroy our once-great nation by saying things like "Happy Holidays.") And it probably goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway: Merry Christmas from the lizards.

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