Friday, January 20, 2012


I just looked at the calendar and realized it's been over a week since I last gave an update. I'd give a reason why it's taken me so long, but it basically boils down to Baby W's terrible sleep patterns, and the internet is already way, way too full of parents complaining about their kids' poor sleep, so in a totally uncharacteristic move I'm going to hold my tongue for once. It may be the only time ever, in fact, that I do so, so you might want to write down the date or something.

Sometimes I think about 90% of the internet is devoted to parents bemoaning their lack of sleep, with another 9% devoted to people chronicling the tiny details, in the most public way possible, of their most recent sinus infection. The last 1% of the internet is people on Facebook sending messages to ask for sheep or bricks or whatever they need for their game. Sometimes I think Al Gore should take back the internet and we should all go back to reading War and Peace or whatever it was we did before Angry Birds was invented.

And, speaking of War and Peace, guess what publication we are now getting at our house? Yes, it's my least favorite magazine of all time:

We had some frequent flyer miles that were about to expire, and you know how the airlines then let you trade your expiring miles for free magazine subscriptions, which sounds great on the surface, but most of the magazines available have names like Golf and Lots o' Golf and Seriously, We're All About Golf and How Is It That People Ever Have Time to Actually Golf When They Spend So Much Time Reading All These Golf Magazines? Well, among the limited array of magazines I could get for free, the Economist seemed the most appealing. Golf Fashion Weekly was a close runner-up.

Clearly, the Economist conceives of itself as a magazine for smart people. Personally, I happen to conceive of the magazine as a sleep aid. Even the font the articles are printed in have a decided soporific effect on me.  David likes reading the Economist and takes the articles seriously. I, on the other hand, feel the need to rebel against having such a highbrow publication in the house (even though I am the one responsible for bringing it into the house in the first place). Yesterday, I saw a Justin Bieber singing electric toothbrush at Target, and it was all I could do not to buy the toothbrush and place it next to the magazine in a taunting gesture. See, Economist? You may have articles about Iran's threat to the Strait of Hormuz, but can you fight cavities and inspire a major hairstyle? I don't think so.

By the way, I don't understand why many of the presidential candidates say we need to "make America great again." If we live in a country where you can buy Justin-Bieber themed oral hygiene tools, aren't we almost by definition living in the greatest nation that has ever existed?

To sum up: We're subscribing to the Economist. I'm trying not to complain about how Baby W has woken up every two hours for the last six months. And I am really glad I didn't buy that Justin Bieber singing toothbrush. I'm holding out for the Lady Gaga version.

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