Thursday, January 12, 2012


I just finished up paying our quarterly self-employment taxes online, and I am happy to report that both the federal and state government have made it shockingly easy to give them a whole bunch of money. Don't get me wrong, that's good. There's nothing worse than trying to give somebody a whole bucketload of cash and them not wanting to take it. I remember when we were trying to get bids on a huge house remodeling project, and contractors kept coming to our house, looking at our project, and then disappearing forever from the face of the earth without getting back to us, even though we wanted to give them tens of thousands of dollars. We were basically following the contractors down the sidewalk, flinging dollar bills at them, and they wouldn't take it.

Fortunately, we don't have the same problem with the government.

By the way, even though I referred to "our" quarterly self-employment taxes, really this is work I am doing on behalf of David, since he's the one who is self-employed. I wouldn't say this is the nicest thing I've ever done for him, but it probably ranks in the top ten. And I suspect this favor I've done for him will drive him crazy with sexual desire for me, or if it doesn't then by golly he better have the sense to fake it reasonably well.

Taxes! I wouldn't mind paying them if I could request that they be directed towards a particular purpose. I would request that my thousands of dollars of federal taxes be tallied, converted to pennies, and then dropped en masse on U.S. Rep. James Sensenbrenner for referring to Michelle Obama's "large posterior." Sounds like Rep. Sensenbrenner needs to learn what I think of as the 11th Commandment in our household which is Thou Shalt Not Diss Michelle, Seriously Do Not Diss Her.

Changing the subject: We're putting away our Christmas things, but not before I get a chance to share pictures with you of our Very Special Christmas Ornaments. We have several ornaments that I'm sure will be family heirlooms, passed down to the following generations. There's this one which I think is an original Wedgewood design, in a color I will call "cornflower," because it sounds fancy. 

And truly, doesn't the ornament below get you in the holiday mood? If a mangled piece of salt dough shaped vaguely like a hat doesn't immediately make you think of the birth of Christ, then you are probably an atheist. A hat-hating atheist no less, which is the worst kind.

We have lots more ornaments like this, ones that are works of art. Take the ornament below, for example. Constructed in an almost self-conscious homage to the primitivism school of sculpture, the flat, yet three dimensional ornament plays with our perceptions of space, and -- dare I say it -- time. Either that, or Baby W broke off the bottom part of the ornament and tried to feed it to the cat. Not sure which.

So it's time to pack away these precious heirlooms until Christmas 2012. I need to drag the Christmas tree out to the curb, put the stockings into storage, and pack away the tree stand. And then I need to get our federal taxes converted to pennies. I have a plan.

1 comment:

  1. share details. I'm still old school and send them a check every quarter. Writing out the numbers hurts quite a bit, typing them in cyber space seems less painful. Our accountant set us up with mail payments, but I'd like to save postage....paying taxes underscores my desire to cut costs!