Thursday, May 3, 2012

Ask Not For Whom the Toilet Tolls

The good news is that Baby W is interested in starting to use the toilet. The bad news is that he is also interested in helping everybody wipe. And I truly mean everybody -- his mother, his sister, his father, YOU if you came to our house (and something tells me now that you won't), and any visiting dignitaries like ambassadors who stop by to use the bathroom. If the opportunity ever arose, Baby W would consider it a true honor to help President Obama wipe.

Baby W is also talking a lot about bathroom issues these days. "Dada poop?" he will ask. "Stella poop?" So I reassure him that yes, every member of this family poops, except of course for me. I release my waste products in the form of fragrant rose petals, which issue forth from my body at regular intervals.

He's starting to let us know when he has a diaper that needs changing, which is one of the first steps to starting toilet training. The irony is that we almost never need him to actually let us know that. Usually we know perfectly well that he has a dirty diaper, although we pretend like we haven't noticed anything with the secret hope that the other parent will give in first and change him. It's a silent game of spousal chicken, and the stakes are high. We don't need a baby wandering into this emotional minefield.

Of course Baby W is very into flushing, too. He'll flush for you any time you need a flush. And he's good at waiting until you've finished before he performs his flushing responsibilities -- he just stands by the toilet handle until he is needed. Basically, he's a tiny flushing butler, at your service. I might get him a pint-sized silver tray that he could use to carry the toilet paper.

Baby W is also something of a flushing connoisseur. Whenever we visit bathrooms away from home, he has to try out the flushing action of the toilet, much the same way that a car enthusiast might keep an eye out for vintage vehicles when driving around the city. Baby W particularly likes the toilets that let you save water by choosing between two different flush levels as needed. So while I am in one stall, he will be in the next stall over, flushing the water-conserving toilet again and again and again and again and again. Just think of all the water he's saving!

I'm glad Baby W is interested in toilet-related activities, especially since it means that soon he'll be interested in actually using the toilet himself. In the meantime, I can put up with assistance with dirty diaper notification, flushing, and wiping. If Mitt Romney comes to use our bathroom, though, all bets are off.

1 comment:

  1. Oh god, all of this, ALL OF THIS is exactly what it is like to toilet train. I'd forgotten about the flushing butler and this interest in knowing who poops. (I have not forgotten about the wiping, as we are still at the stage where we have to wipe. 'Maybe you could do it yourself today?' 'Hmm, no. Maybe when I'm 20.' OK then.)