Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Picking My March Madness Bracket Even Though I Don't Give a Crap

For purposes of work camaraderie, I wanted to fill out a March Madness bracket even though I don't actually (a) know anything about...basketball, right? Is that the one with the puck? and (b) care who wins. I don't care at all. I have my hands full juggling work, raising a family, volunteering, staying in shape, and engaging in creative and very smutty daydreams about what would happen if I ever met Jon Stewart. I don't have any left over time to care what a communications major in a city far away can or can't do to a ball. 

Despite all this, I STILL thought it would be fun to fill out a bracket. I mean, Barack Obama does it, right? It's hip.

But how? What criteria should I use to fill out  my bracket, given that I didn't have any inkling about which team would actually win? I solicited advice from my Facebook friends, and they had several suggestions including:
  • use a dartboard
  • pick the school located in a city I'd rather visit
  • pick the school with the fiercer mascot
  • "best hair" (?)
  • go with the school with the uniform color I like best
  • have my kids choose
All good suggestions, but in the end I decided to have my cats choose. Step one: I put cat treats on each matchup, one at a time, as shown below.
Step 1


Step 2: Whichever treat the cat ate first, that was the school I picked to win that matchup.

Crunch, crunch. Kitty is a Kansas fan.


Step 3: Repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat. It takes a lot of cat treats to fill out the entire bracket, but fortunately Kitty #2 stepped in at some point to help.

"You picked Duke to lose? I can't believe it!"

And you know what? The cats picked Wisconsin to win it all! I'm serious! This is the first time in their entire life that those cats have shown even an inking of intelligence. The rest of their final four was Oregon, Florida, and Temple.

I submitted the cat treat bracket at work. When our bracket predictions are scored, I will probably come in last among my coworkers. But -- but -- what if I don't? What if I beat somebody using the cat treat bracket?   That would be so awesome! I could rent my cats out as prognosticators. They would be like the next Nate Silver, only the kind of Nate Silver that uses a litter box.

Those of you who have cats probably know what happened after the cats ate all those cat treats. To keep from grossing out those of you with sensitive stomachs, I've posted the picture way down at the bottom of the post. You probably shouldn't scroll down.
























Don't worry kitties, this is how I feel about  March Madness too.



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