Wednesday, April 3, 2013

New Zealand Springs and Other Beautiful Scents

I have been to New Zealand seven times, because my father lives there. My seven year old daughter has been to New Zealand five times. My two year old son  has been to New Zealand three times. I know New Zealand, is what I am saying. So when I saw this at the store, I just had to get it:

Apologies for subjecting you to an extra-large version Mr. Clean's face, so early in the morning.
Can you read the description of this particular variety of Mr. Clean? The bottle says "New Zealand springs scent." The label even has a picture of an idyllic stream, tumbling down mossy stones. Color me intrigued! I whipped out my wallet and bought it. If anybody would be able to judge whether the Mr. Clean truly smells like a New Zealand spring, it would be me. 

Once I got the Mr. Clean home, I opened the lid and took a sniff. And what do you know, it really DID smell like a New Zealand spring! It smelled exactly like a New Zealand spring, if a New Zealand spring contained Febreze. I think they have entire springs in New Zealand that contain nothing but Febreze. In fact, the Maori name for New Zealand is Aotearoa, or Land of the Household Odor Eliminator Manufactured by Procter & Gamble. And just like Mr. Clean, New Zealand springs can be eye irritants, so you should always keep both things out of the reach of children.

I was surprised and delighted that a bottle of Mr. Clean could so accurately evoke the scent of a New Zealand spring, so I went looking for other delightful and unexpected scents in my household products. Here's what I found:

1. Clorox brand automatic toilet cleaner. This scent of this product reminded me of the aroma of freshly baked pain au chocolat, bought in a charming little French bakery, and then eaten on the streets of Paris as you stroll arm in arm with your lover -- with a slight bleach undertone.

What's French for "flush"?


2. Behold brand furniture polish. This product had an aroma that reminded me of apple blossoms at dusk, as children gleefully run between the trees giggling with joy and trying to catch fireflies in a jar. Then the kids wind up accidentally squishing a firefly or two when the put the lid on the jar, and phosphorescent firefly guts get smeared all over everything. That is exactly what this furniture polish smells like.

"Behold" as a product name strikes me as just a little too biblical, you know?

3. Comet disinfectant cleanser, with bleach. This cleaner has the heartwarming smell of your first baby's head, before the baby grows up and figures out that "wiener" is a hilarious word and should be said as often as possible.

Hey, first baby: As long as you smell like Comet, could you clean my toilet?